Interviewing a deity

My company is aware of the advantages of sharing knowledge, and so it has developed some tools to enable a better communication amongst its workers. One of those tools is the Company Weblog, consisting in a blog (actually a quite simple one, no frills) that runs on the internal servers and is accesible from every worker's computer within the company, including the offices in other countries. Most of the entries are about the world of search advertising, but sometimes it's used for other purposes. For example, every new colleague that's hired has to undergo a little, personal interview, which is posted in the weblog so everybody gets to know him/her. As every new worker, I had to submit my interview last week. I didn't want to be too serious, after all my life's too boring to have someone simply reading about it. Did I go too far with 'spicing' it?

Interview with Jesus [Friday, November 14. 2008]

He has been here for a couple of days. Here is the interview with Jesus.

Describe your life so far in a few lines (date of birth, study, where are you from, etc.)

I was born in Valencia –where the madarijnen in Albert Heijn come from- in 1978, so lately I just walk around asking people to be merciful enough to not remind me I’m (already) thirty (omg!) Soon after, my parents moved into a small, beautiful city in western Spain called Caceres, where I grew until I went to study psychology (!) to Salamanca. Since then I’ve been living and working in Madrid and Salamanca.

Where do you live now and what is your home situation? Do you have any pets?

I tell everyone I’m staying at the apartment in the old Stoopigstraat office, but my teammates know I’m actually sleeping under a bridge. It’s cosy, but slightly wet at nights…

Pets? Um, nope. So far. As far as I know. Do bedbugs count?

How did you find out about us? And what made you decide to come work for this company?

When I was in Salamanca I did an interview for another position; the guys there were too smart and hired R. instead (damn, I couldn’t fool them) but the director offered me to join the company as a consultant trainee. I thought it was a wonderful opportunity to learn from the best, plus I can borrow a company's bicycle as much as I want! Needless to say, this point made it an offer I couldn’t refuse! Then I was put in a plane and… here I am!

What is your job description?

I’m a SA trainee, which means that I’m starting to learn everything about it; J. and I. are in charge of my traineeship and B. has been teaching me some basics. Apart from that, my teammates were so kind to remind me it’s among my duties to assist them –I had no idea of this- so now I enjoy the honour of bringing them coffee, preparing their sandwiches, cleaning their screens and keyboards, fixing their bikes, carrying their bags at the supermarket, polishing their shoes, massaging their feet…

What do you think of the company and your new colleagues so far?

It’s just great to be among people who know everything about internet marketing! They’re nice and help me a lot every time I have to face perils like fighting the printer. I could meet lots of other colleagues during lunch as well, and everyone has been very kind to me, which is really nice when you’re coming alone from another country. If only they spoke an ‘understandable’ language! But I’m glad to know that, due to that successful course, by not later than January everybody will be speaking Spanish. Or maybe I should learn some Dutch myself, apart from Goedemorgen and Alsjeblieft – since that’s all my Dutch, my conversations in Nederlaands might be found slightly boring. J., I. and my teammates, along with C., B. and the SA course guys, C., C., I. and the people at HR have been very patient with me as well… Oh and I don’t want to miss the gente in Salamanca! It’s very nice to have the chance to work with you all… Dank je wel!

What are your hobbies?

I love photography, reading, travelling, going to the cinema, cooking, making noise with a guitar –cannot call that ‘play’. Also, computers, basketball, a good dinner with friends… Oh, enough?

What kind of music do you like?

I like all kinds of music, but what I truly love are those old rock songs nobody can help humming when they’re played in the radio.

What is your favorite movie?

Uh… millions! I love Tarantino: Pulp Fiction is a masterpiece. And I’ll just shoot anybody who says the opposite.

What was the last book you read?

Oh, that’s an easy one: the company's employee handbook! Besides that one, ‘The Curious Incident with the Dog in the Night-time’. I worked with autistic children and it’s amazing how this writer gets in their shoes…

What is your favorite meal? Do you cook this yourself?

In Salamanca I love the tapas from Van Dyck street (a must-go, buddies!), but when I get into the kitchen I’m a decent meat pie maker (granny’s special recipe). Sadly, paella and Spanish tortilla are not amongst my specialties, which makes me a real shame of a spaniard. Oh, when in Rome do what the Romans do… and in the Netherlands I love your pannekoeken. Anyone needs companion to go to have some? Don’t say it twice: I’m your man.

If your name were to be given to an IKEA product, what should it be?

The meatballs, beyond any doubt. The free refills at the soda fountains deserve it, too. I can already picture it: “Jesus’ Soda Fountain”. Doesn’t it sound… miraculous?

After having met a few Dutch people, what do you think is typical of us?

I had my Erasmus some years ago in Leiden, which already gave me a vision of the Dutch phenomenon. Let’s just say that I cannot do but admire your ability to drive your bike through a swarm of furious cyclists without crashing. Absolutely remarkable!

Actually, the truth is I love Holland. Those who have already had lunch with me have heard me saying it a million times at least.

Is there anything else we as your colleagues should know about you? Are you grumpy in the morning, for example?

And in the afternoon, and the evening. I’m the grumpiest man on Earth. Apart from that, I’m a very serious guy, though I cannot answer interviews like this in a way I don’t look stupid. Sorry…

What is your life motto?

Well, actually I don’t have a life motto, but if I had it’d be ‘To infinity… and beyond!’ Yeah, I know I should have chosen something from Shakespeare or Aristotle, but Buzz Lightyear said it clear as day: wherever you are, don’t stop yourself from going a step further. My last step brought me to Groningen… Leuk je te ontmoeten!

Posted by I. at 2008-11-14 14:55

It needs to be underlined that, when my colleagues read the title of the entry -that is, 'Interview with Jesus'- they all thought it was the other Jesus who had been interviewed. Sorry to dissapoint them, I'm no mesiah... yet.